TEARs, Fears, and the Truth About Performance

If you’ve ever beaten yourself up for falling short, this is for you.

 I used to cry (a lot) on the basketball court.

Not because of injury.
Not because we lost.
Simply because I made a mistake.

In high school and, yes, even in college, I was brutally hard on myself.
If I missed a shot or made a bad pass, tears would sting my eyes right there during the game. And, there was no stopping it.
It was embarrassing — not just for me, but for my teammates and coaches.
And the worst part?
It never made me play better.

I thought being hard on myself meant I cared. It’s what I was supposed to do if I wanted to be the best.
But really, I was operating out of fear.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of letting people down.
Fear of failure.
Maybe even fear of success.

What I didn’t know then — and what I now teach leaders around the world — is that performance doesn’t start with effort. It starts with thought.

???? Introducing the TEAR Model:

      Thoughts → Emotions → Actions → Results

Everything we do — or fail to do — starts with what we think and believe.
Those thoughts trigger emotions (which are just energy in motion), which fuel our actions, and ultimately, shape our results.

Fear disrupts that flow — in ourselves and in our teams.
It clouds our thoughts, intensifies our emotions, and sabotages our actions.

I’ve seen this in corporate boardrooms, in leadership teams, and yes — on basketball courts.
We think pressure will make us better.
But in truth, it often breaks the connection between who we are and how we perform.

???? Clarity and self-leadership align the TEAR model.

Fear and shame don’t drive performance — they distort it.
They hijack our thinking, stir up reactive emotions, and lead to disconnected actions.

But when we lead from a place of clarity and self-awareness, we create alignment.
Our thoughts serve us. Our emotions support us.
And our actions reflect the values we want to live and lead by.

That’s the power of the TEAR model.

It’s not just about what you do — it’s about who you are while you do it.

???? Reflection Question for You:

Are you leading from alignment — or from fear?
Not just with your team… but with yourself?
If not, what are you doing to change it?

Thanks for reading and being on this journey with me. I’d love to hear your thoughts. (YES, I do read them and almost always respond. ????)

Leading others always starts with how we lead ourselves… and that starts with mastering our own thinking.