Most trust building approaches are haphazard. We approach trustworthiness and Trust building in a random, casual, helter–skelter manner and then we expect others to “just trust me.”
Many books have been written on the subject and they give you great ideas but no process or framework on how to actually implement those ideas in real-life situations. Often the techniques leave us feeling out of integrity.
Think about it… Have you ever been in a situation where you feel that you’re doing the right thing and yet people don’t trust you or view you that way?
In today’s economy, you can’t go it alone and expect to succeed. The Maverick approach is very limiting and will sabotage your intentions. You must know how to build trust and become trustworthy if you’re going to succeed and reach your dreams and goals.
In a recent web event, I walked participants through the five steps that are necessary to build trust. However, before I did that I presented a self trust quiz (using the framework in Stephen M.R. Covey’s book, The Speed of Trust). Why?
Because as Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “Self trust is the first secret to success.”
So, what is your self-trust score?
Do you consistently follow through on all of the commitments you make TO YOURSELF? Oh sure, we keep our commitments to others, but often at the expense of the promises that we have made to ourselves. This erodes at our self-trust and eventually resonates through to others. This is why we often feel like we are trustworthy people and yet others don’t see us in the same light.
Causes of Distrust
Also, in the web event, we discussed the causes of distrust. Many people have various approaches or excuses for distrust. Really there is one common reason… gaps. Gaps in perception and perspectives. We discussed the three different types of gaps and how to recognize each of them. This is vitally important to trust because these gaps cause emotional and physiological reactions when they are exposed. Some people run toward the gap, others sprint rapidly away from it.
The B-A-I-L Cycle
Dr. Christopher Avery, in his program called The Leadership Gift, gave me insights into the cycle that folks often use to TRY to alleviate the stress of gaps. I renamed it the B-A-I-L cycle. It’s the typical approach people use to problems and challenges. First thing we have to do is find someone or something to Blame. Then we have to thoroughly Analyze the problem. As a leader, our next step is to put together Instructions that people on the team are going to have to follow. And finally, we have to Legislate these instructions. We have to make them the law. This will give us the illusion that we have control when in truth all it’s doing is soothing I anxiety. So, inevitably, folks don’t follow the rules and laws… this causes more problems and upset… which puts us right back into this cycle of (attempting) to force and control.
Do you recognize this cycle? It happens often in the corporate environment. This causes us to bail on finding the true resolution to the problem.
The CON-N-E-C-T Cycle
A much better approach which I share in the web event, is when I call the Con-N-E-C-T cycle. This cycle involves five trust-building steps. When you follow this cycle, you will end up with team members that will “have your back” instead of stab you in it.
What does this cycle involve?
Well, the first step in the cycle is Confront. This is the step that most leaders want to avoid. It’s also the step that can’t be avoided if you want to build trust.
Now when we speak about confront, we’re not talking about hostility and battle. We’re talking about coming face-to-face with the problem or upset. It’s all about the willingness and the mindset to engage.
If you fail to take this step, you usually end up in the BAIL cycle where you tell someone that they messed up and then tell them what to do so they don’t mess up again. When they mess up again, you put rules and policies and procedures in place – believing that will fix the problem. When it doesn’t you’re right back into blaming.
Until you are willing and able to confront the problem – yes, emotions and all – you will fail to find a fruitful solution. Emotion is what causes motion. If you want someone to change you WILL have to confront emotion.
This leads to the next step in the Con-N-E-C-T cycle is Nurture. This is about recognizing the human beings and human souls involved in the problem or upset. In the web event, we share how to do this without being wishy-washy or getting all caught up in the emotions.We show you how to acknowledge the emotions without having to FIX them.
The third step is to Explore. This is about asking questions, focusing on the facts, and exploring options. Do you have a list of questions ready to use to explore the possibilities? If so, good for you. However, you may be putting the cart before the horse. There is something MUCH more important that you need to explore BEFORE exploring the possibilities. This is covered in detail and with stories in the web event.
After exploring, the fourth step is about Clarifying your next steps and making a commitment to take action. Which leads us to the fifth step of Taking Action and building trust.
You see, walking the talk to build trust is important but it will not suffice alone. You must connect in order to build trust. Connection requires “being” and “doing”.
If you would like to:
- increase the trust in your life
- understand the steps to confronting with courage
- get out of the endless cycle of legislation of rules and policies and procedures just to address simple problems
- not just communicate but truly connect with your team
then, please consider reviewing this web event. It could change your life!
It’s only available through August 18, 2017.
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