- Do you ever feel stuck or lost?
- Have you ever wondered what all of ‘this’ means?
- Have you wondered why are you working so hard?
- Whether you are making the right choices? taking the best action?
I talked to a friend recently who had trouble sleeping. She laid awake in bed wondering about the decisions she was making…
Is this next contract gig going to work out? Did she pick the right contractor for the kitchen remodel (which was already in day 2 of a 4-day project and on schedule)? Does she have enough plates for her upcoming event?
The truth about her… she is the best project manager I have ever known. (No offense to you if you are one of my PM friends.) She thinks of things that would get by so many people. She handles things with grace and respect. Yet, when it comes to these personal projects, she doesn’t trust herself.
Do you ever feel this way? There is evidence out there that you are making the right choices but you still don’t trust your decisions (in some areas of your life).
Where would you rate your self-trust? Seriously, think about it. Don’t just read those words. When you look at the attributes that build trust between you and another, do they exist within you?
- Do you walk your talk in all areas of your life?
- Do you keep commitments to yourself?
- Do you speak kindly to yourself?
- Do you confront the challenges, problems, and issues in your life head-on?
- Are you congruent with your core values?
If you can’t keep promises that you make to yourself, you are creating a habit of self-DIStrust and you are making it hard to have self-trust.
Why don’t we trust ourselves?
In an article written by Tamara Lechner at chopra.com, she says:
As children we trust ourselves implicitly. When you watch children playing, they don’t spend time wondering if building in the sandbox is the best use of their time or if they should be on the swing—they just follow the path that brings them the most joy in each moment.
As teens, we listen to our peers and their suggestions of what is cool and what we should like or dislike. We rely on the voices of our culture, our religious leaders, our friends, and our family to help us identify what is right and wrong, who we should vote for, what we should eat, and how we should live. Soon we are so caught up in behaving the way our ego believes we should that we have trouble separating our opinions from the opinions that surround us.
As adults, we are told to trust our gut or to follow our instinct. But when we have spent our formative years turning down the volume of our inner voice, how can we begin to trust ourselves again?
You see, we’re often taught to create habits that go against self-trust. So what can you do?
As leaders, we must be able to trust ourselves if we are going to effectively lead others. Self-trust is the basis of self-confidence. If you don’t have confidence, who is going to want to follow you? As Francisco Dao says, “Self-confidence is the fundamental basis from which leadership grows. Trying to teach leadership without first building confidence is like building a house on a foundation of sand. It may have a nice coat of paint, but it is ultimately shaky at best.”
If you are looking to grow your self-confidence, start by growing your self-trust.
Here are a few steps you can take TODAY to get started…
- Purposefully set a small goal or intention for today. What do you intend to do with a fraction of your time today? Maybe drink an extra glass of water, take the stairs, or smile at that stranger on the elevator?
- Build up ‘wins’ every day. What is a ‘win’? It’s an intention that you acted upon.
- Start a ‘journal’ (this could just be a notepad or a Word document) where every morning (BEFORE you look at your phone or email) you write out 3 intentions for the day AND 3 ‘wins’ from yesterday.
- At the end of the week, review your journal or notes.
- Congratulate yourself for every intention that you acted upon.
Give these 5 steps a try and let me know how they work out for you. My clients have loved this approach and seen their confidence grow dramatically… but only IF they did the work.
Do the work!! You deserve more confidence and self-trust in your life!
A Recommendation for You…
From time to time I run into programs that I believe will have a huge impact on your life and your career. A couple of years ago, I participated in one such program.
It’s a program by Dr. Christopher Avery that was so powerful that I now teach some of his concepts and refer my clients to his program. There is a great opportunity coming up in the next few weeks. He is kicking off his LIVE sessions of The Leadership Gift program and I’d love for you to consider registering (using my affiliate link) if you want to take your leadership to the next level.
In this program, he teaches you step-by-step how to grow your ability to take responsibility and “get above the line.” It teaches you how to:
- Handle stuff.
- Handle upset.
- Handle problems.
- Handle oops.
- Handle “oh shits” with ease.
- Face any challenge that could come your way.
- Be ever more integrated and whole, have what you want and want what you have.
Essentially you’ll learn how to increase your functioning and how to deal more rapidly with more and more stuff that stops everybody else or causes a lot of drama, stress, and anxiety; hence, the ability to respond. You’ll increase your Responsibility; that is, your ability to respond.